Home
by queenkepner
Summary: He broke his heart over and over again trying to make himself whole, but could never figure out why no one else's touch felt like home as hers did.


_**They say home is where your heart is set in stone**_

Her eyes lock onto his, and the forests that grow within them suddenly flourish to a beautiful spring. After his declaration of love, the whole barn still stood silent, waiting to see what the flushed bride-to-be had to respond to the man handing her his heart. She looks around one last time, as if saying goodbye to the life she knew she would fit into perfectly, but would never love like her own. She steps down onto the altar she had just walked up on, previously bracing herself to be with a man that only made half of her heart beat. And then, she runs. His gaping heart out into the air, he barely has time to register her decision before she grabs his hand and together, they run out towards a lifetime of passionate, extraordinary love. He turns to see her smile as the doors open as much as everyone's gaping stares… and she smiles. The most beautiful, hopeful smile he had ever seen.

And then, he wakes up. Her love had left him with a bitter aftertaste, yet all he could see in his dreams were the sweet moments she had given him. The cold bed remained a testament to the warmth she has once brought into his life. As he approached his forties, it seemed fickle to Jackson Avery to continue to sleep alone and dream of a wife he himself had decided to divorce. But recent decisions had… changed things.

The thing about April was that she had always been his something: his friend from Mercy West, his best friend, his girlfriend, his _**wife**_ , his roommate… and now she was just a number on his phone. Of course, Harriet made her the mother of his child, but with the ease of dropping her off on scheduled days, April would then simply give him a smile and leave to her own life. A life he had purposely wanted to get out of.

Some days, when rain knocked at his door and the darkness engulfed his lonely room, Jackson wondered if all the decisions he had made were worth it. It had been weeks since April had moved out, and she had been haunting his dreams ever since. Without her, his house did not feel like a home. Some nights, he would find himself lost in a forest, with the overwhelming sense of impending doom… until a flash of bright crimson hair would catch his attention, its flames guiding him towards safety. Others, they would be simpler, with her cuddled next to him in bed with Harriet… and with Samuel. Nothing would happen in those dreams, just as he subconsciously wished nothing had happened to his own life.

That night, he invites Maggie over to watch a movie with him. April had pointed out that she believed there was more that met the eye when it came to his friendship with her, but Jackson simply didn't see it. Not that Maggie was repulsive by any means, but they were pretty much related through their parents, and as friendly as they got, that's all he saw her as. A friend, and possibly, a sister.

Maggie looks at the couple kissing on the screen, the rain pouring around them as they don't hold a care in the world. "You know, I've never had that."

"What?"

"That stops-the-world kind of love," she pauses and changes her position on the couch, facing him, "you never told me about April's wedding."

His eyebrows furrow and he can feel the walls building up again the memories he holds so close to his heart. "Yeah, well, it was a long time ago."

"Jackson, you stopped her wedding. I mean…" she smiles, and lets out a small chuckle, "you put this movie to shame. What happened?"

He stands up, unfamiliar to having to speak about this, about her… to someone other than himself. It seems as though the words can't reach him, because it's true, he did stop her wedding. He embarrassed himself in front of everyone he knew just to get a chance to tell the girl with the red hair and smile that made his heart skip a beat that he wanted her to be with him. Finally, he turns back to his step-sister on the couch and confesses, "I've had the great love of my life. I'm just not sure it's what I want anymore."

"That's bullshit." She states simply. He looks inquisitively at her, and she continues, "People spend their whole lives looking for someone, I mean look at me! Look at Meredith! The love of her life is gone! Look at all these people around you, Jackson. Love like that doesn't just go away. I get it, you two had problems, but you're telling me you don't think about the mother of your child every single day? You don't think she does, too? I mean, look at you two! She implied you and I had feelings for each other, even though she knew we are basically siblings," she pauses "and yet, she did it anyway. Because it hurts her to see you with anyone else. And I'm sure that you feel the same way."

In some ways, these were the words that Jackson had begged himself to be able to hear for weeks… for months. But after everything that had happened, that he had done and that she had done… "It was the right thing to do, to end it. After everything that happened."

"Oh come on, seriously? So is that really how you're going to live the rest of your life? Pleasing other people's viewpoint of your relationship? You need to stop trying to explain yourself to people. You do not need to justify the way you live your life and rationalise why you do the things that you do. So, you both hurt each other, does that mean you're going to live unhappily for the rest of your life? People are going to think what they want to think about regardless of what you do. So I say, you might as well do things that make your heart skip a beat." She stands up from the couch and walks over to the closet, grabs his coat and hands it to him with a smile. "Go get your love."

In the weeks, months or even years since he had internalised what others would think of him, where he let his pride get the best of him, Jackson had never faced a true mirror of his actions. If he lived every day as fearlessly as he had that one day in the barn, then maybe his whole life would look very different. So, he grabs the coat and his keys, gives Maggie a quick hug and opens the door. He turns to her with a smile of gratitude, "I can't thank you enough."

"Come on, that's what sisters are for."

And just like that, he leaves the apartment with his heart in one hand, ready to put himself on the line one last time for his soul mate. If Mark Sloan had guided him the first time, he could get through the second time on his own.

In the car on the way to April's new apartment, there are few things Jackson can allow himself to think about. After all this time, he had chosen his pride over her. She'd hurt him infinitely when she left him to make herself whole again, and then kept leaving after that. It seemed only right that he would be the one to leave her once it had all settled down. He remembered seeing her face after they'd slept together, when he told her she clouded his judgement. That night, he'd been ready to hand her the divorce papers. And then… his heart took over. Once he regained his stoic stance, and the divorce went through, Jackson had hoped he would feel a sense of closure. But he didn't. It seemed as though pride and reason had only lead him to sadness.

He remembers seeing her going off to dates, and hoping she would come back and tell him that no one else made her heart skip like he did. He remembers when he found out she was pregnant, and through the fury of the lies he couldn't believe that they had a second chance to create life together. He remembers when she held his broken pieces in Montana, when her smile would light up every morning after he spent his nights alone, with her in the next room. After all this time, it was her. It had always been her.

As he approached her door, he realised what he was about to do, but for once, wouldn't turn back to be safety. After all, it was better to be fearless than broken hearted. He broke his heart over and over again trying to make himself whole, but could never figure out why no one else's touch felt like home as hers did.

He knocks softly once on the door, and waits as he hears someone get up, and undo the locks. The sound of her unlocking the door feels like eternity, but he waits, not ready to let go.

She opens the door, and even though she is in the most casual of outfits, she still manages to take his breath away.

"I.. uh.. I would've brought flowers but I thought you'd be asleep by the time I got here."

She rubs her eyes, confused by the look on his face. It looked familiar, yet she had not been faced with it in years. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to a realisation, tonight."

"And it couldn't wait until tomorrow morning?" She starts to close the door, but he puts his hand in between the space, because this time, he wouldn't let this go… let her go.

"I came here so late because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

She looks at him, perplexed, as she tries to figure out where she has seen that look before, "I'm not sure I'm following."… and then, she knows. She can still see him standing up with his heart in his hands, eyes full of waves crashing onto the tide, begging her to spend her life with him. To love him, to want him. See, the last time she had seen that look, there were a hundred people looking too, and she was wearing a wedding dress.

"You once told me that you see eight sides of everything. That's seven more than I've ever seen. I need you, April, because you show me where pride and reason end, and where living starts." After all this time, the extraordinary, great love of his life had always been the girl he whisked away at the altar.

"Jackson… is this it?" after all the false hope, the complications, she gazed at him hopefully, because in the end… he was the love of her life too.

He approaches the door and cups her cheeks in his hand, and looks down at the most beautiful woman he knows. If life had taught him anything by now, it was that he would never let go again.

"I know that love seemed easier in our heads, but this is it. I love you. I always have. I'm sorry it took me so long to show up here. I just got lost." He kisses her tenderly, knowing that this time it is forever.

And just like that, he is home.


End file.
